How to Sleep Train Your Baby

How to Sleep Train Your Baby

Sleep training can be TRICKY.

I tried to sleep train my own son - twice - before looking for professional help.

Here’s why it didn’t work for me: There are a lot of different ways to sleep train a child and I didn’t know how to make it work for him specifically.

Sleep training isn’t always as simple as choosing a method and going with it. There are actually many more nuances to sleep that can determine whether or not a certain method will work for your child.

In this post, I’m going to outline what sleep training is, what it isn’t, when you can sleep train, a few methods of sleep training, other strategies you can pair with sleep training or do instead of sleep training, and how to know what to choose for your child.

What is sleep training?

Sleep training is simply teaching a child independent sleep skills. Sounds simple, right?

Well it’s usually not!

Because, like I mentioned earlier, there are about a lot of different ways you can do this.

There are multiple methods and strategies you can use, while simultaneously considering your child’s development, age, personality, schedule, routines, temperament, and your parenting style. And then you need to figure out how each of those pieces fit together, because it’s different for every child.

A child’s sleep can be as unique as they are! When I work with families, we work to optimize their sleep for their body’s needs.

What isn’t sleep training?

Sleep training is not just cry-it-out or leaving your baby to cry. That’s a method of sleep training, but on its own, it doesn’t consider all of those other factors I previously mentioned.

When can you sleep train a child?

This can also be very child specific.

Most babies will be ready to sleep train after 4 months, once you’re sure they have gone through the maturation of their sleep cycles (also known as the 4-month sleep regression). By this time, most babies are capable of learning to soothe themselves.

This isn’t true for all babies, though. Some may not be ready until closer to 6 months.

But really, at any point after that, you can sleep train a child. Heck, you could even sleep train an adult!

Anything prior to 4 months old would be too early, as your child’s development isn’t quite ready for formal sleep training. With younger babies, we practice what’s called “sleep shaping,” which focuses more on the foundational aspects of sleep.

Sleep Training Methods

We’ve identified that sleep training is helping your baby to learn to sleep independently, or, in simplest terms, how to fall asleep on their own, without help from someone else. Here are a few methods you might choose to help your little one learn to sleep independently:

Cry-It-Out (also known as Extinction)

After completing their bedtime routine, this method is, essentially, where you lay your baby down in their crib, say goodnight and walk out of the room. There is very little, if any, involvement from you after this. You do not return to your baby until the next morning or until a scheduled feeding time (if they wake for it). The lack of a response from you allows your little one to learn the skill of sleeping independently fairly quickly…

…but it doesn’t feel good for a lot of parents.

And when parents reach out to me, it's usually because they want to avoid this type of sleep training method. The sleep training methods we provide are usually more responsive.

Check and Console (also known as Ferber or Timed Intervals)

This method is more of a “controlled” crying method, and allows for parents to be more involved. After completing the bedtime routine, you’d lay your baby down in their crib, say goodnight, and walk out of the room.

You’d select a specific amount of time to let pass before going back into the room to check on and console your little one.

There are many variations to this method including utilizing the same intervals of time, increasing intervals of time with each check, or, increasing intervals of time each night.

This method provides a predictable response for your baby, letting them know you’re there and it’s okay for them to go to sleep without you doing it for them. Check-ins should remain fairly straight-forward and quick, repeating the same phrase and offering some touch if you want will let your baby know you’re there, and then quickly getting out of the room again to allow your child to fall asleep on their own.

The Chair

This method allows parents to be physically present in their room while their baby learns to fall asleep on their own. It’s very involved, but not quite as much as Pick Up Put Down.

If you like the idea of close proximity to your child during this process, this might be a great option for you!

After completing your child’s bedtime routine, you place them in their crib, awake, and then you sit in a chair right next to their crib. You repeat a key phrase from the side of the crib, as well as offer touch and if you like you can even pick them up until they are calm or for a set time, while they learn to fall asleep. Once they’re asleep, you can leave the room. You return to the chair when they awaken at night.

Every few nights you’ll move the chair further from the crib; so, start next to the crib, then move the chair to the middle of the room, next move it to the doorway, and finally, remove it from the room all together.

Over time, your child will learn to fall asleep with you being farther and farther away from you.

Pick Up Put Down

This method can work great for younger babies, but can be very stimulating for older babies. Basically, you want to lay your child in their crib when they’re calm. If they begin to fuss or cry, you pick them up, soothe them - while keeping them awake - and then lay them back down, calm, in their crib. You repeat this picking up and putting back down until they fall asleep on their own in the crib. It is the most involved sleep training method.

It can feel exhausting for some parents and very supportive for others since there is a lot of physical touch involved in this method.

Other Strategies

So, those are the four main behavioral sleep training methods, but there are other things you can do too, that address other areas of sleep besides just the habits of falling asleep.

Bedtime Fading

Bedtime fading is where you move the bedtime slightly later than your desired bedtime with the hope of mitigating crying and allowing your child to build up more sleep pressure so that they can ideally fall asleep faster.

For example, if on the first night of sleep training, you laid your child down at 7:00 p.m., but they didn’t fall asleep until closer to 8:00 p.m., the next night you would push bedtime later, say, 7:30 or 7:45, with the hope that they would fall asleep in 15-30 minutes instead of 60 minutes.

“No Cry” or “Gentle” Sleep Solutions

These strategies I do not consider actual sleep training methods since they’re not teaching independence. These strategies include replacing one sleep association with another, not fully removing the dependent association.

If you’re into the idea of sleep shaping, methods like these may be used, and can offer more sustainable habits for families, without providing total independence.

How to Choose the Best Option for Your Child and Your Family?

While attempting to figure this process out for my own child, I felt the overwhelm and overload of information. It didn't work for us until I worked with a sleep consultant who helped me break it down step by step for my child.

Here’s my best advice: choose a method or strategy that aligns with your parenting style and values AND one you can be consistent with. Also, optimize your child’s sleep environment, their routines, and their schedule, as these are key in helping your child learn this skill.

No matter where you're at in your sleep journey, please book a call with me and/or let's move forward with working together. I would love to help you!