My Nursing Journey
Nursing for me was one of the most natural, organic and beautiful bonds I shared with my son. My pregnancy was filled with sadness, due to the passing of my mother and my labor and delivery where traumatic. Leading up to my son’s birth, I did everything I could to prepare for a good birth, I stayed active, listened to birth stories, read birthing books and took a birthing class, yet in the back of my mind I feared a long, hard labor that would end up in a belly birth. Who knows why this thought plagued me? Maybe it was my subconscious preparing me for what was to come. In the end my biggest fear came to be true, I was in labor for 38 hours and ended up with a belly birth.
As you can imagine my birth story is still very traumatic for me, the truth is that it doesn’t even feel mine, it feels foreign. In fact, I didn’t get to hold my son until 2 hours after he was born. I remember waking up from a haze and hearing my husband and a nurse dote on him, I remember thinking “I know I had him, but why haven’t I had a chance to hold him”. In that moment I didn’t remember that my blood pressure dropped, and that my husband and son were escorted out of the operating room, while they stabilized it. So, I asked if I could hold him, the nurse informed me that he was hungry and if I was up for nursing. I was disoriented, but I so badly wanted to hold and see him. The nurse helped me sit me up, lowered my gown and placed my son in my arms, immediately he started nursing.
Nothing had ever felt so perfect, this meant to be or fit so seamlessly together, we were 2 puzzle pieces that came together and started our nursing journey. Just like my mother had started her journey with me, and just like my grandmother had started her journey with my mother. Growing up my mother shared each one of our unique birth stories with us and the one common thread was how fondly she spoke about our nursing journeys. All 4 of them varied in length, some lasted days, months to years, yet she loved each one of them. So, in that moment I felt so connected to her. I nursed my son for 13 months and it was perfect, I never felt any pain, had any supply or pumping problems.
However, in the world that we currently live in with the endless social media it is so easy to get caught up with what went right and only share that, never sharing the bad or the real. Well today during World Breastfeeding Week I want to tell you that although my nursing journey was wonderful, motherhood has not been perfect. I’ve had real struggles, as if my pregnancy, labor and delivery where not enough (lol). I’ve dealt with postpartum depression and anxiety, the grieving of my mother’s passing (which to be honest I think is a life long journey), exhaustion, as you know sleep deprivation and the latest with patience (toddlerhood anyone!).
I wanted to share this to remind you, that each one of our stories is so different and unique, we each will have our own struggles and that is okay. We need to normalize all of them, we need to stop only sharing the good and pretending parenthood is perfect. Because in doing so we are only harming one another. We are setting impossible standards for each other and are making it that much harder for us to actually ask for help.
So today I ask you to celebrate your nursing journey! No matter how imperfectly perfect it was! No matter how long it was, one day, weeks, months or years, just celebrate it! And if you are still in your nursing journey and need some help, please reach out, I am here for you.
