When it’s Time for Change
I get countless questions from parents concerned if what they are doing is okay, and the answer I give them is, “It’s okay as long as it’s working for your family”. I know for many, this is not the answer they want to hear, but the reality is that in parenthood, just like in life, things are not black and white. Every single family has their own set of needs, personality, family dynamics and parenting philosophies. So, how could we assume there is only one right way to do things?
Yet many of us can’t seem to realize there is another way, because of the expectations we set for ourselves. You see many of us spend the time leading up to when we become parents, creating a list. A list of things we decided aligned with what kind of a parent we would be. We choose how we would feed our baby, how we would diaper our baby, where our baby would sleep, when/how we would introduce solids and when/how we would potty train, etc. But the reality is that this list, like a birthing plan (oh, don’t get me started at how different my birth went than my birthing plan), is a list of things we hope for. Hope, because we could not possibly foresee or know how hard being a parent could truly be.
For many of us, the list becomes the only way we think we can do things, even if it’s clearly not working for us or our family. Soon enough the list becomes the cause of parental tears, depression, stress, anxiety and other mental health issues. So, what do we do? Well, we scour the internet looking for tips and tricks, we push ourselves to remarkable levels and we continue to apply unnecessary pressure. Never realizing that we could simply change things. That we could simply say “The feeding, sleeping, diapering, etc. choice I made is not working. So, I will look at other options, methods and philosophies.” But so many of us don’t do this.
Why? Because change is hard! We are creatures of habit and although what we might be doing might not be a good fit for us, we know it, we are familiar with it and so we fight to preserve it. But I urge you to please allow yourself to have a flexible list when you become a parent. Because things don’t always go as planned and if something is not working, if it is taking a toll on your mental health, if it is robbing you of the joy of being a parent, then you need to seek change and/or support. For some of us, this change might look like: exclusively pumping, supplementing, exclusively formula feeding, co-sleeping, sleep training, cloth diapering, disposable diaper, etc. for others it might look like hiring a lactation consultant, baby formula expert, newborn care specialist, sleep consultant, therapist, etc. and that is okay!
Parenting is hard, we were not meant to do it alone. I say to you to stop putting all of this unnecessary pressure and expectations on yourself and seek the change and/or support you so need to thrive! Because a parent that is not in a good mental place, will not be as responsive to their child’s need and your child needs you. In fact, we as a society need you too. We need you to raise a confident, secure, loving, respectful, next generation!
So, if nursing or your child’s sleep, is causing you tears, stress, anxiety, depression or other mental health issues then book a call with me, allow me to help you seek the change you need, allow me to be your support.
